‘Wholehearted.’

I had my first Muay Thai training, and it taught me a lot. Not only was it extremely challenging physically, but it also showed me the importance of discipline, determination, and focus. You can't really improve when you're only half-hearted. It deprives us of the fullness of the experience.

There I was, training alongside fighters and people who had come to this place to learn, improve, and deepen their skills. I was impressed and, in retrospect, humbled. It made me realize that without a clear focus, how can we truly devote ourselves to anything?

In my own life, I can see that there has often been a lack of focus. I enjoy trying different things, and I usually feel excited in the beginning. But somewhere along the way, I lose interest and move on. Looking more closely, I can see that a part of me gives up before it has even truly begun. There is a sense of hopelessness—a belief that my efforts will never be enough. So why even try if it will only lead to failure?

I experienced this during a period in my life when I struggled deeply with myself and saw every small mistake as evidence of my unworthiness. That period shaped me profoundly, and in many ways, I am still recovering from it.

One memory from the past came up from when I was a teenager and played volleyball in a club. It was fun, and I felt excited about my new hobby. I played for several years, trained every week, and also participated in tournaments. What started as something enjoyable slowly began to feel like a chore, where it became more about winning and meeting expectations than about enjoying the game itself.

At the time, I was already struggling with low self-esteem, an eating disorder, and shame. On top of that came the pressure to become better at volleyball. It was simply too much for me to deal with. After years of pushing myself to improve, I felt that my efforts were getting me nowhere. I felt defeated and hopeless. Eventually, I left quietly. I stopped going to training and never returned. What remained was the painful belief that I would never be good enough. So why even try?

When we fully commit to something, we become capable of facing challenges instead of allowing ourselves to become discouraged. It asks us to step beyond our comfort zone and confront our own limitations. Only then can we grow, develop our skills, and discover strengths we didn't know we possessed.

In my own life, as I continue trying new things and opening myself to new experiences, I gradually move towards greater clarity, allowing me to devote myself more fully to life. Meanwhile, Muay Thai is an exciting place to explore this more deeply. It has already taught me the importance of discipline and focus. Once you begin to understand the techniques, you start experiencing your own strength in ways you may never have imagined.

How can you play any game if you don't know the rules?

Muay Thai taught me that by consistently showing up and being fully present in each moment, I have far more impact than I ever realized. It helps me build confidence in myself, and it reminds me that I want to commit fully to life—to experience it wholeheartedly, whatever that may look like. This time, I feel more like myself than ever before, and I am curious to discover even more of who I am.

It's a process, but I know it's worth it: moving beyond our own limitations and fears, and allowing ourselves to experience life in its fullness.